The Birthday Blues = High Expectations!

As I sit in this blue velvet seat, I am watching the trees fly by quickly, the cars across are going opposite direction, and listening to students as they laugh watching the movie, I contemplate the expectations that we as individuals set for ourselves.  Clearly, I can only speak of myself.  I set a drastic amount of goals every year, the list is always endless.  In my mind, it's realistic.  However, I fail to realize, what if I do not complete them all because of life's distractions.

Hmmmm... Here lies the problem, I have this wonderful set of aspirations to accomplish.  I believe when it is written, the higher the chance of completion. It has been true thus far!

When Birthday comes around, I tend to lay in bed all day, staying under the covers, turning the phone off, lights off, attitude, and throwing away years of exercise by eating buckets of ice cream... There are 364 days of the year that I am this totally happy positive person (most of the time) and this one day, I'm drowning in the Birthday Blues.  Yes, THE Birthday Bluesssss...

So... I could not understand why all I wanted to do was curl up and hate myself.  Then, BOOM!  It hit me!  My expectations of myself were far more harsh than it should ever be! 

We grow up with this timeline of completing our dreams.  When my Birthday arrives, it is a reminder of what I was not able to finish by that time.  

I forget to comprehend that besides this list that I have created, that there are far more responsibilities apart of my life than I give myself credit for, YES, EXACTLY!!  I have a family which includes a husband and two kids: wife and motherly duties, I was enrolled in an accelerated Masters program that occupied my life for twenty months, I work multiple jobs, I exercise daily, I attend church, I make time for family and friends and on top of it all, this list of goals.  The list continues....

As I sit here on this bumpy ride, hitting my head against the window, curled up in my fleece blanket, I think back to this list and with all that I have had on my plate, I have achieved about seventy-five percent of it.  This two year goal LIST…  Seventyyyyy Fiiiiive!!!  That is 3/4 of the way!  How can I be miserable over that?  It is an accomplishment all on its own!!  I need to keep refreshing my memory of it! 

Instead of worrying about unfinished goals, focus on the SUCCESSES!!  

I can't live up to all of my expectations and that's OKAY!  I expect too much of myself than God expects from me!  As long as I set my ambitions and not give up, then I'm doing the Best that I can!  That is what is most important!

CELEBRATE EVERY SUCCESS! 

  

           

Excuse any spelling or grammatical errors, this was written on a phone on a bus ride 😉

Who is your Role Model?

As a young little girl, I had the opportunity of identifying someone that I used as my role model.  Anytime I was around this person, I watched closely of the life they were living.  They attended college, married, children, continued to upgrade to glorious beautiful houses, church, and lastly a six-figure income.   As a pre-teen, I would tell myself, “I want that!”  “I am going to do that!”  “I am putting myself through college to have that!”

Born and raised until I was seven years old in North Jersey, my life altered as we moved to North Philadelphia.  It was a culture shock.  I have witnessed continuous drug deals, lock ups, and I remember one vivid drive by shooting that almost cost the lives of my father and baby brother, who was four years old at the time. 

People in this neighborhood were not deemed to succeed.  No one expects children from North Philly to make it anywhere. 

However, I had a vision.  I knew what I wanted.   At the age of twelve, my parents made the best decision to move to Northeast Philadelphia.  Though, it was the same city, the neighborhood made a difference in my life particularly the surroundings.  Per my request, I persisted on the North Philly neighborhood schools.  Regardless, my mind was already set up for success.  It was a requirement that I made for myself to attend college.  In Family A, I aspired to be the first to graduate with a college degree and in the other side of the family, Family B, the second. 

With this dream that I had foreseen, I was destined for triumph.  I used ONE role model to determine the direction I was heading towards and I was not allowing anyone to get in my way.  Anyway, long story short through trials and tribulations, I assumed the ability to accomplish the degree requirement.  Throughout this process, I have learned more than I could have ever imagined. 

I used the word USED very loosely.  I used a role model for myself and I say that because I feel that everyone needs some type of influence in their life to give them motivation especially with the down outpour of negativity that unfortunately we are surrounded by.  HOWEVER, as an adult, I came to the realization that I wanted a better life than the Role Model I used.  YES!  I want the career, but I do not want the sacrifices that come along with a six-figure income yet.  In due time and with the Grace of God, it will come, but the biggest PRIORITY that changed the outcome was my children.  At the end, I did not realize that QUALITY time would have affected the decision of desiring that six-figure salary.  Children are a blessing and I don’t want to miss a beat. 

Still, that does not mean to give up or not to keep persevering.  Sometimes, dreams change, but in a GREAT way!  I am achieving my next degree.  This time, I will be the second in Family A to receive my Master’s and Family B, the first.  At this moment, there are new goals and new influences AND they will never stop coming.  If it weren’t for the first one, I may not have that first SUCCESS!

  

In addition, I did realize the greatest influences of my life and hard work, dedication, perseverance, AND QUALITY time originated from ROLE MODELS I was living with the whole time, 

MY PARENTS!!