Hyperemesis Gravidarum
Eight years ago, I
was shocked by the news that I was pregnant with twin boys. At 5 weeks pregnant,
morning sickness began. When I have seen other pregnant women, they
looked beautiful at any month and they glowed.
We were excited to start this new journey. I was in my last semester in college and I
was like “Oh, I can finish this like nothing, everyone else does it.” I thought I will be glowing on my graduation
day. My expectations were high. I am going to eat healthy; I am going to
exercise like normal. Yadda yadda yadda…
Weeks passed and I was stuck in my 12x12 bedroom staring at the show Baby Stories. I didn’t want to move
because I would vomit. I couldn't keep
anything down. My parents took me to
the hospital because I was pale and the meat I had on my legs turned into a
thin layer over my bones. I was admitted into the hospital for
dehydration and diagnosed with the disease HYPEREMESIS
GRAVIDARUM (HG). A severe and persistent nausea and vomiting during
pregnancy, easily explained to people who didn’t know what it meant. To me it was a whole different
definition. Hyperemesis is a debilitating
disease that leaves you malnourished, sleep deprived, exhausted, helpless,
lonely, mentally and physically unstable to the point where you need consistent
IV fluids to survive. In other words, it is life threatening. Unlike normal morning sickness that lasts for
a few weeks and only happens randomly or in the “morning”, Hyperemesis is 24
hours a day, 7 days a weeks and lasts over 16 weeks and in most cases until you
deliver your baby. Imagine having the stomach virus and not just a weekend virus, imagine having it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 8 months.. THIS IS SERIOUS!
Many people believe that I overreact, that I am just dealing with
typical pregnancy issues. No one really understands
the severity of the complications I was dealt.
When I sought help from anyone, they would say, ‘drink ginger ale,
have some crackers, stay positive.’ This
wasn’t morning sickness. This was a
disease. This is real... It affects 2%
of women... and Yes I am that 2%. Don’t
you think I tried all of it? Don’t you
think I want to stay positive, positivity is who I am? The only people who understood were who
lived through it with me the first time around, my parents and fiancé at the
time.
I was admitted about 4 times, but in the ER a dozen. It caused preterm labor, water bag ruptured
at 23 weeks, and then delivered at 25.
Long story short, 23 days later I lost a son. I have a miracle baby who dealt with 6 months
of hospitalization, surgeries, infections, near death experience, and more.
A year in a half later, I was pregnant again...
It scared the living daylights out of me. Surprisingly, HG skipped and I had “typical morning
sickness.” I had a healthy baby boy
preemie.
So, let’s fast forward to
December 2015. We found out we were
pregnant. Exciting, we planned it! The morning sickness began and 2 weeks later,
HG returned. It was a reminder of that pregnancy
I suffered. It started all over again. With the feeling of being a prisoner in your
own bedroom, or not being able to swallow your own saliva because it makes you vomit.
Not being able to smell anything or your stomach will turn. The feelings
like you have been poisoned. You can't
stand up so you have to crawl to the bathroom.
Lying in bed motionless again because any sudden movement, you puke. Not remembering the last time, you brushed your
teeth. Even worse trying to shower, so
you don't stink, but you can’t stand.
Crying and praying on the shower floor to God to find an outlet
and end the misery. Mentally I was
destroyed. At that point, you are just
telling HIM, do whatever it takes to stop it.
For me, a fantasy I would have never in a million years thought about,
miscarriage. On several occasions, I
pulled myself to stand on the top step in the hallway because I wanted to end
it all. Do you see the part of debilitation? I wasn’t only weak from being malnourished,
but I was weak mentally. I was thinking of ways I can survive, but everything else can end. In the right
state of mind, it would have never been a thought. Lying in bed and reaching over to your phone
to Google abortion clinics because you want the depression and agony to
end. Feeling lonely because no one understands
what you are going through. At this
point, it was either you or the fetus.
I tried to send my husband on a vacation we had already planned
and paid, so he can take the boys away from me.
I was already away from them, but I wanted them to get away from mommy
always vomiting; away from mommy, who can’t help with homework; away from
mommy, who can’t cook for you; away from mommy, who can’t sit at the dinner table
anymore; away from mommy, who can’t play with you or read to you. What’s wrong with mommy? All I can think, was how can I do this to my
boys. They need their mommy. As my
husband came in the room as I was telling him to go, he noticed my vomiting was
worse. He saw that it wouldn’t
stop. The last few times, dark blood was
coming out, tear from my esophagus. It was
so sore and raw from the bile or acid and consistent vomiting of practically nothing, that now it was blood. He rushed me to the hospital and I was
admitted. I didn’t want to go. More time away from my family. I was given nausea meds that is typically for cancer patients, but it wasn't strong enough for me.
Anyway, fast forward, because obviously I can continue of what else
happened, but I will stop here.
WE got through it. My
husband and I got through it. Never say
a relationship should be 50/50 because when I gave 0, he gave 100.
When people had the chance to see me in person, they saw how
serious it was because I lost over 30 pounds.
Thirty pounds is a lot when you are only 125. I had a great small support system. I had people who picked me up to take me to
doctor’s appointments because I couldn’t sit normally, I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t stop throwing up in the car, or even the time I passed out while the phlebotomist took my
blood. I AM GRATEFUL for my Great
friends, parents, cousin, some sisters from church, and family members that helped during the
storm with meals, appointments, helping during the time my
husband had a business trip and I was left alone as well as encouraging
messages. You would think the moment I
gave birth the storm ended, but it didn’t.
However, that is another story!
My 3 Miracle Preemies!!
Our 4th is an Angel!
In loving Memory of Luis Richard Toledo!
In loving Memory of Luis Richard Toledo!
